Merry Christmas Italy
by Loveless1818
Summary: This is a story I wrote for an ss exchange on  and I hope all of you enjoy it.


Germany isn't great at feelings and sometimes it worries me…

I don't understand what happened, one minute it was bright and sunny but the next it was raining none stop. Dark clouds covered the sky making everything seem darker and more foreboding, it was creepy even though I was safely staring out one of the windows in Doitsu's house. I sighed backing away and walking down a long brightly lit corridor still thinking about Christmas and the party Japan was holding at his house this year. Of course me and Germany were going but the thing that was stuck on my mind was the fact that everyone would be exchanging gifts with the one they love the most. It was something Japan mentioned and I hadn't the slightest doubt in my mind the big brother France would buy everyone a gift. It was him we were talking about after all, but Doitsu wasn't exactly big on such things. Lately more so then ever and it was nagging at my mind. He's been ignoring me, avoiding me and finding excuses to leave me alone for hours on end without mentioning where he's going or when he's going to be back. Was I that annoying to him? Or was I just being a pest? I stopped and looked at a drawing I made for him on Valentine's Day, I smiled. He hung it up the same day but I haven't seen him look at it since then it was kind of depressing to be honest. Did I do something to upset him?

I walked the rest of the way to his bedroom and flopped down on the bed burying my face in the pillows. Of course he wasn't here either he left around eight this morning and probably wouldn't be back until midnight, well after I have fallen asleep. Only two more days before we go to Japan's house but I can't but think that something will happen in those two days that'll cause Doitsu to leave me alone for good. I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to run blank.

-X-

I was standing in the middle of field filled with flowers that were dancing in the wind. How did I get here? More importantly where was I? I decided to walk around in case I recognized something familiar that would give away my location. I stopped when I saw two others standing in the field as if they were talking, they were young kids but they stood out to me the most. It was Holy Rome. I could never forget what he looked like! So that means the one in the green dress talking to him is me, I smiled Holy Rome reminds me so much of Germany however they are still very different from each other. I felt my heart skip a beat, was this a memory? Or was there a message here that I wasn't hearing or seeing?

"I must go." His voice rang causing my heart to sink. "I'll come back for you Italia."

I remember this, after this Holy Rome left and that was the last time I'd seen him before he disappeared. He never did get to come back like he said and had I known then that he would disappear I would have tried harder to keep him from leaving. In a roundabout way the same thing was happening with Germany and I, it was scary to think even he might disappear. A bright white light blinded me causing me to shield my eyes until it receded. I was still in the same field, however, this wasn't a memory.

"Doitsu!" I yelled as I ran past myself.

The other me was running to catch up to Germany who had stopped and looked back. "I'm leaving Italy."

"What are you talking about Doitsu?" The other me said tilting his head to the side.

"I'm leaving and you aren't coming with me so stay here." He said, "Japan can take care of you from now on."

He walked away and everything faded to black except for him. "Idiot! You'll end up the same as Holy Rome and you'll never come back! I can't handle that again!"

"I don't want to come back." He said and disappeared.

"Germany!" I screamed.

-X-

I shot up in the bed breathing heavily, it was only a dream. I sunk back down under the covers even though Doitsu still wasn't here but it shouldn't be unusual. I wish he were here so I could tell him about that nightmare but somehow I believed that it would come true. I couldn't sleep, not now, not after that nightmare it just wasn't possible. I waited for the light to filter in through the window before resting a while longer then got ready for the day like I usually did. I sighed waiting by the phone for him to call knowing that he would have some sort of excuse ready but there was no way to know if it were true or not. Sure enough about an hour later the phone rang.

"Hello?" I asked a little too desperately.

"Italy?" Doitsu asked.

I was smiling, I love the sound of his voice, "Ve!"

"I stayed the night at Japan's last night that's why I wasn't-…" 

"It's fine." I interrupted him trying my best not to sound upset about it like I usually did, "it is only Japan's after all! I'm going to be making pasta in a little while will you be home tonight?"

"Italy, are you alright?" He asked and I fell silent, "You're forcing yourself to sound happy but I can tell you aren't."

"I'm fine." I lied allowing a bit of sadness to sink into my voice, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Italy…"

"I have to go make lunch now I slept in longer than usual today so I'll talk to you later if you'll be home. If not I might see you at Japan's house after doing some shopping tomorrow." I said not really giving him the chance to talk.

"I'll see you tomorrow then." He replied, "I have some more shopping to do myself."

I heard the line go dead after that and hung up the phone dragging myself out of the room towards the kitchen to make pasta. Shopping huh? How many weeks of shopping does it take to get presents for a few people? He could at least come home before leaving again. That's asking too much though so I shouldn't complain I bet the others have been doing the same thing. I finished making a giant bowl of pasta before putting in the fridge for later and walked back to the phone. Maybe America will know if this is true or not, after all there is something between him and England now.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Hey America!" I said happily forcing it yet again.

I heard him laugh, "What's up Italy?"

"Is it alright if I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure." He replied, "Nothing's wrong right?"

"No not at all it's just a silly question." I said pretending to be happy, "Is England constantly gone buying gifts? I mean he does at least come back every now and then right?"

"He's home during the day and goes out at night to get presents." He replied, "At least after I'm asleep so I won't bug him then I'm gone for a few hours during the day. Why do you ask? It's a rather odd question for you to be asking Italy. IS something up between you and Germany?"

I bit my lip, "I… No… I was just curious is all because I was going to go shopping later and wanted to know if it takes a long time."

"Italy." He said, "You're lying."

"I…"

"It's not like you to ask things like that and if you wanted to know how long it took you could have just asked that. Is Germany upsetting you? I understand if you don't want to talk about it with me." He said, "I can't believe I'm suggesting this but maybe you should call France and talk to him about what it is that's upsetting you if you don't want to talk to me o England."

"Umm…Well… Alright I'll call France." I said happy that he couldn't see the tears slipping down my face.

"America! Who's on the phone?" England's voice rang in the background.

"Italy!" America called, "Hey Italy if you want you can talk to the two of us later if France doesn't help ok?"

"Alright." I said biting back the sobs and hung up.

I slid to the floor and just broke down sobbing, I have to stop crying before I call big bother France. I calmed a little and dialed France's number not sure if he was out or not but he would more than likely have his cell at least.

"Bonjour Italy!" He said happily.

"Hello big brother." I answered.

"Italy you sound like you've been crying." He replied, "Why don't you tell big brother France what's wrong?"

"Well." I bit my lip again, "Germany has been out buying presents for more than three weeks now."

"It is almost Christmas Italy I'm not surprised." France said.

"That's not the problem." I said, "He goes out for a few days and I don't know where he goes and he never says anything but always has an excuse when he calls the next day. I haven't seen him for nearly two weeks now it's really depressing and he isn't here when I have a nightmare and I want to talk to him about it."

I was practically crying again and was once more sitting on the ground leaning back against the ground.

"Italy calm down." France said frantically, "It's alright I'll talk to him ok just relax I don't want you passing out with no one there."

I sniffed forcing myself to relax a little, "Alright."

"America called me to let me know that you were going to call so I cut my trip short today and I'm glad I did. Call America back and have him put you one speaker then tell them what you told me while I call Germany." He explained.

"Ok." I softly said.

I hung up after that and called America back just as France had told me to. "Hello? Italy?"

"Hi America." I sniffed, "Can you put me on speaker."

"Of course." He said. "There you're on speaker now."

"Italy what's wrong? Did France say something he shouldn't have? You sound as though you were crying." England said in a panic.

"It wasn't France's fault." I answered.

"That's new." America said without meaning to.

"He told me to call you back and tell you what I told him." I said sniffing again.

"England and I are sitting on the couch so go ahead Italy." America replied.

I told them the exact same thing I told France and I began crying just like I had with France but this time controlling it a little more.

"Damn…" America said.

"I can't believe Germany's doing that especially with you Italy." England interrupted whatever else America was going to say.

"That's why I was asking if that was normal." I said between another sob.

"I had a feeling something was up." America said, "It looks like I was right."

"For once." England added.

"More than once! I know when something's wrong with you Engwand!" America said laughing.

"DAMN IT ITALY'S UPSET AND YOU'RE BEING A GIT AGAIN!" England yelled as I heard a loud smacking sound.

"England did you hit America with a pillow?" I asked.

"Of course I did." He laughed.

"That's not funny England that actually hurt." America whined.

"Good!" He yelled, "Anyway we're sorry to hear that Italy, do you want America and I to pick you up when we go to Japan's tomorrow?"

I almost forgot that was tomorrow, "I wasn't going to go because I didn't want to see Germany."

"You must be really upset." America said, "You usually call him Doitsu."

"You should come Italy that way you can see everyone else." England tried insisting, "Then if you still want to leave America and I will take you home."

I thought a moment longer, "Alright I'll go."

"Cool!" America shouted happily, "We'll pick you up around five o'clock tomorrow."

"Alright." I said smiling to myself, "See you two then."

-XX-

Tomorrow came faster than I wanted it to even though I was excited to see America and England. It was already four o'clock so they should be here in about an hour maybe a few minutes late if America wants something to eat before they come. I sighed and waited on the couch silently wondering what I'd do if I ran into Doitsu at the party. Would he be mad at me for hanging up abruptly? Or would he expect me to be mad at him for leaving me alone for long periods of time? A knock on the door signaled the arrival of the two and they were early. I slowly opened the door only to be immediately hugged by America.

"We're early!" He said hugging me tightly.

I laughed, "I can't breathe."

"Just kill him before we get out the front door why don't you?" England mocked with his hands on his hips.

America had a pouting look on his face and released me only making me laugh even more, "It's fine; it's nice to have others around."

They were looking at me sadly as they remembered the conversation from yesterday, "Anyway let's go you two that way we make it to the Christmas party on time."

I nodded and followed the two out to England's car and sat quietly in the back.

-XXX-

Japan went all out this year! It was amazingly awesome! I smiled as I saw the small Asian boy talking to Finland and Su-san near the punch bowl. I waltzed over towards them and was greeted with a smile from Japan.

"Hi Nihon!" I smiled.

He bowed, "Hello Italy-kun."

The other two smiled and walked off after excusing themselves but not before I greeted them as well.

"What's up Italy-kun?" Japan asked.

"Nothing I just wanted to say that this is awesome!" I said smiling.

He laughed, "America and England helped me put it together this year."

"So that's why they insisted I come." I mumbled smiling.

"What?" He asked.

I shook my head, "It's nothing."

"Oh before I forget Germany-san is looking for you."

I looked away, "I rather just avoid him tonight."

"Italy-kun what's wrong?" He asked, "Did you two fight?"

I shook my head again, "It's just…"

"Italy!" The all too familiar voice called waving at me and smiling.

I turned and walked away not wanting to talk to him but I knew that trying to talk to Japan about it with him so close would be disastrous. I walked straight into the crowd avoiding the glances of confusion I got from others and the saddened looks I got from France, England and America. I have to avoid Doitsu until England and America take me home, easier said than done. I managed to lose him in the crowd and decided to go sit in a corner away from everyone.

"Feliciano!" I turned to see Romano and Spain looking at me.

Romano was glaring at me while Spain looked sympathetic, "I'm not in the mood to talk right now Fratello."

"Well that's the first time I've heard you say that." Romano said, "Spain can you go talk to Germany and Japan while I talk to my brother."

"No problem." Spain said happily and wandered off.

"What did that bastard do this time?" He asked as if it weren't the first time but Romano was like that.

I told him everything I told France, England and America looking at him for signs of murderous intent.

"That's what's wrong with me." I said softly, "Don't make a big scene out of it though."

"What the hell!" He yelled before quieting his voice, "Can I kill crab breath?"

"No."

He sighed, "I wasn't going to anyway."

He was such a liar when it came down to such things especially if it involved me… Well… For the most part anyway.

"Changing subjects how are you and Spain?" I asked.

"He's as clueless as ever but I love him either way but don't tell him that otherwise he might think I'm warming up to him." He said nonchalantly.

I laughed noticing Spain was coming towards us with the last person I wanted to talk to, "Speaking of which here he comes."

Romano stood glaring at Doitsu as Spain motioned for him to walk over towards them, I looked away. I only side glanced at the three of them talking but was unable to make out what they were saying. I watched as Spain dragged Romano away without the least bit of resistance from him, in fact he looked really shocked and it made me slightly curious. I noticed Doitsu walking towards me so I went back to staring at the wall.

"Italy?"

"I don't want to talk to you Germany so please leave me alone." I said.

I was anything but believable, more or less I sounded as though I was upset rather than mad.

I heard him sigh and sit down next to me, "Why are you upset?"

"As if you don't know." I growled surprising myself and Germany.

I heard the chatter die down and I side glanced at everyone staring at me in shock as if they weren't expecting me to say it like that.

"I didn't know Italy could say that to Germany." France added as I glared at him. "Romano what did you do to poor Italy?"

I sighed and looked back at the wall, "Just please leave me alone."

"You can't stay over here forever you know that right?" Germany asked shock still dripping in his voice.

"I don't have to." I replied, "I'm going to have England and America take me home soon."

I heard him sigh as though he was upset but what was he expecting me to say? I wasn't going to forgive him so easily for leaving me alone for so long and making excuses to remain gone. Everyone was still quietly looking on and it was starting to creep me out.

"Italy…"

"You've made it clear that you don't care if I feel alone!" I snapped, "You leave me alone for long periods of time and make excuses to stay out with the beginning of each day! And you expect me not to be the slightest bit pissed off about it!"

Everyone was wide eyed at my sudden outburst including Doitsu and for a second I thought the shock turned them to stone or something. It was like time stopped and I was beginning to feel sick just being in the middle of such silence.

"No one jump at once to speak." I mumbled, "I'm going outside and don't think about following me."

I left the room slamming the sliding door behind me as I stepped out into the cold night angry and upset.

"Idiot." I whispered when I was farther towards the back of Japan's house, "Getting me all worked up."

I sat on the porch and stared at the stars glowing dimly in the moonlit night sky shivering as I remembered that I never brought a jacket with me.

"I feel like disappearing." I softly said.

"Don't say that."

I turned to see Doitsu leaning against the house staring at me sadly. "I told you not to follow me idiot."

"Since we're being honest right now." He started, "I never knew you could angry like that nor did I know that you could like you are now."

"What does it matter to you?" I asked, "You'll leave me and never come back."

"I would never do that to you."

I sighed, "Then what do you call leaving for weeks and never once coming back to see me?"

He sighed again, "I'd tell you why but right now isn't the right time."

"Like I said you'll leave me and never come back just like you did in that stupid nightmare I had the night before." I said.

"I told you I would never do that to you." He said.

That's what Holy Rome said but he disappeared, he didn't leave me alone. "I find it hard to believe."

"Italy?"

"What?" I groaned.

"Tell me why you have problems when I leave?" He asked.

"Go ask Austria." I said, "He'll tell you."

"I don't want to hear it from him." He said, "I want to hear it from you."

I turned away feeling hot tears forming in my eyes, "I don't want to talk about it."

I heard him sit down next to me, "You're crying."

He turned my head gently so I was looking at him and whipped the tears from my eyes smiling as if to say if you don't want to talk about it that badly than don't.

"Don't do that I'm supposed to be mad at you." I whispered.

He kissed me softly, "I don't want you to be mad at me."

"Then you shouldn't have left for so long."

He was still smiling, "I left for so long because I was having trouble finding the perfect gift for you. I had Japan help me look for something extraordinary to give to you tonight; I didn't know it would take as long as it did so I stayed here for a while. You've given me so many things that I wanted to get you something that would tell you how much you meant to me."

"You could have told me that instead of leaving me feeling depressed." I mumbled.

"I never meant to." He stated, "I tried explaining but you always made it sound as though you were busy. Maybe I should have listened closer to figure it out but I got so wrapped up in finding you the perfect Christmas present that I didn't realize that I made you so sad."

He let go of my chin and searched his Jacket pocket pulling out a small gold wrapped present and handed it to me.

"Am I even allowed to open this right now?" I asked.

I watched him take his jacket off and wrap it around me, "I don't think Japan will mind if I let you open your gift early."

I carefully ripped the wrapping paper off revealing a black box underneath, I slowly opened it. Inside a diamond ring sat glittering brightly in the moonlight making it all the more extraordinary and making me smile. I looked at him through tear filled eyes and hugged him tightly not caring that his jacket slipped off my shoulders as I did so.

"I'm not the greatest at voicing my feelings all the time and I know that." He said hugging me, "I want you to be able to tell me everything because I don't want us to drift apart. So will you stay by my side?"

"Of course I will idiot." I said letting tears of joy run freely.

"AWWWW!"

Germany and I turned to see that everyone was peering out of a now wide open and brightly lit room that wasn't decorated. I looked at Germany and laughed because he was thirty different shades of red at the realization they were probably watching the entire time. Neither of us noticed.

"I love you Doitsu." I softly said.

"I love you too Italy." He smiled hugging me again. "Merry Christmas."

Germany isn't great at feelings but he's great at showing them and I don't mind…


End file.
